I’m struggling to disconnect from work. I’ve been working on an interesting problem for the last couple of weeks (compacting change data capture events from sharded MySQL servers into BigQuery). It’s an interesting technical problem. There are lots of optimization opportunities and novel patterns I can introduce.
I’m on vacation for the next two weeks but since starting my trip my mind keeps returning to the problem. I’ve even solved a few issues and come up with new patterns to try while daydreaming as we travel. Obviously I haven’t implemented any changes, I deliberately didn’t bring my work laptop with me. I emailed those solutions to my work email address so they get out of my head but that hasn’t helped. I just visualized more optimizations while hiking today.
There is no expectations from my leadership to work while on vacation.
How do others disconnect from work when I enjoy the problem solving aspects of my work?
I make my own projects that challenge me in the same way, and I feel less urgency with them than work, but of course this doesn’t help in a pinch. It’s a long term thing. Maybe leave the phone on the charger when you go out! Treat it like a detox. The rest is really important and if you don’t stop you will burn out eventually.
Meditation helped me discover how to let a thought pop up and pass through. I get into a very compulsive mode with programming and thinking in general, and find it hard to put anything down. Meditation helped me learn what it looks like when I’m mentally spinning and how to loosen my grip on that and let things settle. Then there’s room for other things to become interesting, and room to function when I’m not in “finding something interesting” mode. So now I’m a little better at being focused and immersed for a bit but not going up the wall when I can’t get back to it.
For me, it was a notepad.
Not a note app or anything digital.
Just a book to scribble the random thoughts in with a pen.
It lets my mind release it, and if I circle back to it when chilling I can always re-read the notepad and make changes or whatever.If I find myself super bored when trying to have a few days off, I can collate any notes into more concrete notes.
But always pen on paper, in a notepad.Next time I’m at work, I can reread my notes and make more objective decisions on their quality/implementation
We want everything to be synchronized and accessible at all times which sometimes prevents us from letting things go easily. I agree with taking notes on paper.
For me the saying “work on your passion and you won’t work a day” is very true. Why would I not experiment with crazy code in the product when I don’t have time in the day. Or trying out new cryptography and see how it absolutely beats current protocols.
With that said. It’s also important to have time with you family/boy/grilfriends. They are also important
Why do you need to disconnect in the first place? If you love thinking about and working on the issue, why not just do it?
Because if you don’t you risk burnout?
I think the only risk is not noticing when you’re no longer enjoying it. You can do a thing you love and not burn out, even when it’s also work.
Diversifying interests is more burnout protection because if you have several interests and you get tired of one, you can more easily tell, and just go do something different for a while.
many technical jobs are vocational in nature as it’s impossible to turn it off after work. As long as it’s not affecting your personal life & work life balance (and not affecting your friends and relations) then you are very lucky. Most people don’t enjoy their work so you’re in a good place. Importantly though, don’t feel obligated to do work problems on your own time and don’t let management expect it. Only do it if you want to.
I like the saying “give a man a job he loves and he’ll never work again”. it’s been true for much of my working life.
I’m lucky in that my job doesn’t require me to produce known results on any particular schedule. That gives me the fantastic freedom to work on these kind of problems during the evenings until I feel I can walk away from it, and then turn around and work on personal stuff during business hours. There are some short tasks I occasionally have to focus on right away, but that’s like a 1 or 2 day task, then I’m back into the relaxed schedule again.
Unfortunately, like OP, I too get deep into an interesting problem and then I can’t turn it off. “Oh I’ll just add this quick line of code” and two hours later it’s time for bed. What I HAVE managed to accomplish over many years is finding a stopping place where I can let it all go, and then drop it until I get back in the office again. I have to do that with personal projects or research too because I’m always working on something new that captures my attention and it really tends to put a halt on casual conversation. “That’s cool about last night’s game, but have you heard about this theory of a hydrogen haze obscuring the view of the early universe for the first few hundred million years? Well, I don’t know shit about sports, so now you guys know how I feel.” 😀
If you actually enjoy it, why bother? Every single person is different. People saying that you’ll suffer from burnout don’t realize that not everyone works the same.
If you enjoy what you’re doing, and have no pressure from management to work on your free time, continue doing it. You don’t need to give in to other people’s idea of a balanced life.
I just keep in mind that the work problem will still be there when I return, and I should try to enjoy the moment, because the vacation will be over and I won’t get that time back.
Have hobbies and interests that are unrelated to whatever you do for work, and ideally unrelated to technology. As the kids say: touch grass.
I struggled for years, and then the burnout got bad enough where it forced me to choose between keeping obligations with friends and family and maintaining my commitments at work.
I now have a very well defined separation from work time and my time. I picked up some hobbies, and I try to avoid leisure time at my desk with my work laptop on. It can wait til the morning, it can wait til Monday. No one is going to die in my line of work if I don’t push out a fix or get ahead on project planning.
Are you trying to fully disconnect because you want to or because you feel like you should? If your mind keeps returning to it because you enjoy it that doesn’t sound unhealthy.
Wow, I feel so validated, I also work in the data space (in fact currently working on a CDC project) and also can’t shut my brain off from thinking about it when I’m not working. People have recommended meditation to me, 8 mins after work, only focusing on breathing. Not a silver bullet but helps with the shut off a bit.
If meditating, preferably do it in the morning
Sharded MySQL is my nightmare, and my proudest achievement at the same time. I designed and implemented an architecture for a product that is backed by heavily sharded MySQL servers, a total of over 700 servers worldwide, with hundreds of thousands of tables. It’s a fun, and a terrible space to live in. You may actually enjoy this blog post I wrote. Not many will: https://blog.heckel.io/2021/10/19/lossless-mysql-semi-sync-replication-and-automated-failover/
As for your actual problem of how to disconnect, I’d suggest to find another problem to solve and think about. Something that is yours, not the company’s. Like an open source project, or a side gig of some sort. That’s what I do.
Dunno man, but it sounds like it isn’t hindering your vacation. I’m a chef who also likes to cook on vacation (and when I’m not working). I don’t consider it work and don’t when i do not want to…but I enjoy it…still…
Give yourself a break, do what you enjoy, don’t do what you don’t.
Have a good vacation anyway!
Human minds can readily jump to try to solve technical problems like the one you have to solve at work. Sure, it’s abstract in many ways, but it also is an external problem.
However, human minds are not very good at solving emotional problems. Trying to deal with thoughts and emotions like external problems usually leads to experiential avoidance. And avoidance creates even more suffering.
I’d recommend you check out ACT, to deal with your thoughts effectively. Russ Harris and Steven Hayes are both good sources, one being less technical than the other.
Drink heavily.
OK, now I have a drug abuse problem in addition to all my prior problems. Now what
