My parents. Asked me to upend my job and life, move halfway across the country to be closer to them as they approached their elder years so I could help them out as their health is slowly declining. They’ve told me all my life they just don’t want to go to a nursing home when they got older.
So yeah, I did it. Me and my parents have issues for sure, but ultimately I love them and they always have done right by me.
I had to adjust a bit, but I work from home and am single with no kids of my own, so it wasn’t as difficult as it is for some people I’m sure. But yeah, I have never done as much for any other family member or friend, but if I were given the choice again, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.
Why couldn’t they move close to you? You had a job and life settled. They are retired and therefore far more flexible in that aspect.
There might be some factors you didn’t share of course. If I was asked the same I would help but it’s my parents who would have to move. If they are not willing then clearly that help is not needed so badly to justify such a drastic change in my life.
Yeah, I understand what you mean. I lived in one of the pricier cities in the US with sky high cost of living. While my parents could afford to move there, it would be a lot more costly as far as living than where we all are currently. That and the mental/physical burden of moving at their age would be heavy for them even with hiring movers, etc.
It just worked out. My life, as of right now, is very flexible with very few responsibilities other than my job, so it was an easier decision to make than most would have given similar circumstances and choices.
I will admit I miss my friends though. I keep up via social media and the occassional jitsi meet/zoom call, text message, etc, but I do miss getting together for coffee or beer from time to time.
Anyways, thanks for asking. I hope that sheds a bit more light on it.
It makes sense. Everyone situation is unique.
I’m dealing with some entitled person in my family so I have learnt to be defensive on this sort of requests. I’m prividing help but with the clear boundaries. I’m not going to sacrifice my life because someone wants to.
When I was in the military I had friend ask to get married for the benefits. Healthcare is free(ish) in the US military (cause we’re far behind on the rest of the world). And she had a heart condition. Lovely as she was, she was also one of my best friend’s ex. So… Ultimately I said no, as there’s the wrong reason to get married, and then there’s THE WRONG REASON TO GET MARRIED, and this was the latter.
She moved on and married someone who had medical able to help her, and she’s been with him since, with kids and a happy life, so I feel no negative emotions from it. But I wanted to help my friend out, so initially I felt very, very conflicted.
Parent asked me to cosign on an apartment knowing full well I know they stopped paying rent on a previous place for almost a full year while lying about it… That’s a no for me, bud.
Had a friend borrow a large sum of money from me. Yes, I did it. Yes, I was repaid on time.
$20k, for car debt. No.
Woof. That doesn’t just happen overnight. That’s months of missed payments that resorted in pay it all now or we’re taking it. Good on you for saying no, you’d never see that money again
Good on you for saying no, you’d never see that money again
They literally watched that person agree to pay that amount to somebody else and fail to do it despite legal and financial consequences. Only a fool would see that and then entire into the exact same situation, but without any sort of protection like the contract that the previous lender had. You are not speculating, you are merely stating absolute fact.
My dear friend asked me to loan him money for a car. I can’t do it.
I co-signed on his car loan, so he used my credit but couldn’t shirk the payments or he’d be ruined further too. Worked out well.
If they do make the payments that’s fine. IF.
Ultimately, as a cosigner it’s your debt as much as theirs.
My wife asked me to stop worrying about whether I was right, and instead focus on being helpful. Changing the way your mind works is quite difficult, but in cases like these, worth doing.
It might also harm you. Beware
Very much.
Taken to extremes, “it doesn’t matter if you are right that we shouldn’t stomp puppies, but you need to stop focusing on whether you’re right and focus on being helpful to us”
I’m intentionally blowing it up to hilight how ridiculous it can be.
It is unsurprising that taking any situation to ridiculous extremes makes it ridiculous :P
I think that perhaps a lot of wisdom is taking things away from ridiculous extremes and understanding them in the context of the world that is, rather than the world that is-not. It’s pretty easy to come up with contrived situations where nearly any given thing is absurd.
…but yeah lets do it anyway for fun, because this is the Internet, and what’s even the point if we can’t be weird. Usually the most efficient way to do reduce moral decisions to absurdity is to make it into a trolley-problem. So for example, the puppy ate the disarming codes for an armed nuclear weapon at a puppy farm, and is slowly getting away on it’s cute, stubby legs. So you can either passively allow thousands of puppies to die, or actively stomp one.
The reality of course is couples arguing about trifling things, like minor expenses, housework, small behaviors, or whether to put a toilet seat down. We make our lives miserable for such petty reasons sometimes. I’ve realized I’d rather be wrong and make my partner happy, than be right and make her unhappy – if at all practical. My mind is fairly rigid by nature – it’s just so easy for me to be an idiot-by-default in these matters.
As an aside, we eat dog in my country – although I don’t, it smells weird, it’s expensive, and looks sketchy.
If I married someone who wanted to harm me, I have bigger problems.
Thankfully, I did not :)
Friends help you move.
Real friends help you move bodies.
Very little. Friend asked me to help with moving to a new apartment and the destination was on a 7th floor of an old building with narrow staircase and no lift. Absolute nightmare. I did do it.
I hope he treated you to some good food and beer
Yes. I remember sleeping on the floor on a mattress and my fried was fucking a unknown chubby girl next to me, but not much more. I quess there was food. So yea, alcohol was involved.
Someone asked me to film their private wedding. Which I did, but I fell asleep holding the camera, and I feel like I insulted them by doing that, but at least I got it all.
Oh you, nvr change :)
Weddings are the fucking worst. I can’t imagine.
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Not to go into too much detail. I let them move in with me.
I knew it was a bad idea, I thought it was for a limited time but apparently they didn’t think that. Shockingly it was a bad idea and now I need to work out how to say “get the fuck out!” nicely enough so that there isn’t any blowback from the rest of the family.
500 bucks. Yes, I shouldn’t have. (It’s a big sum for me)
Once a friend asked me to buy him cigarettes while I went into the store to buy some food for myself and he was waiting outside. I did it, but I hated every single second of it. The fact that the cashier, and anyone around me could potentially think I was a smoker… utterly terrifying. The humiliation was even greater when the cashier asked for my ID (I was around 20 that time, I looked young enough for them to assume I was underage). Disgusting, horrible experience. Never again.
There was another case, where my best friend actually didn’t really ask for help, but it was a really serious case. Her mom got into jail as a victim of someone else’s attempt to clear himself in a corruption case. I helped her with my savings (a thousand dollars or so) to get her out of jail. Well, this was another horrible experience, but in a different way. I would do it again if such a situation arises, but luckily her and her entire family have managed to move to a better country since then.
The biggest favor you’ve ever done for anyone in your entire life is… Buying a pack of cigarettes?!
LMAO
More like undergoing the humiliation of what it comes with.
Other than that… yeah, I don’t have many friends, so not many favors to take care of.
So you think highly of what other people/ strangers think of you?
Ujhhhhh… Huh.
I dislike smoking and have physically fought someone for intentionally and repeatedly blowing smoke in my face, but I don’t think I’d have quite this reaction to someone asking me to buy them a pack.
I’d just say “nah I’m not helping you kill yourself” and leave it at that. If that causes a problem with our friendship, then they value their cigarettes and a moment of pleasure over our friendship and they aren’t worth the time.
I’m with you in the “I helped bail someone out” though, not sure how I’d feel if someone asked me to help with that.
There was a time when I was a kid that my parents were struggling with money. It was an ongoing struggle that lasted more than a decade and they still haven’t fully recovered from to this day. Anyway, I was aware of their struggles and as soon as I was old enough at 16, I went and got a job. I made less than minimum wage and my hours were severely limited due to state laws about employment under the age of 18. So I was still going to school and making barely anything, but whatever I didn’t use, I put away in the bank. Skip ahead to when I’m 18 and I’ve saved a few thousand dollars. My parents had a few particularly rough months and didn’t know how they would pay the mortgage that month, so my mom asked me if they could borrow some. I still remember how embarrassed my mom looked while asking me and I remember thinking that I didn’t know if I would ever get that money back. But I agreed. It was a bit of an emotional ordeal, but they did pay me back eventually and my parents still have their house. So all in all it worked out for the best.
Recently, it was going to a nearby weed dispensary to get some stuff for my brother whose ID has expired. I don’t smoke for health reasons and had never even been inside of one before, so I was hesitant and waited until the last moment to walk over. He was happy, and now there’s a chance I might have to do this again Friday, this time for an xmas gift for someone else and for my brother.
his may sound trite, but the answer is loving them:
My first partner, whom I could not marry at the time, told me that our relationship was the best thing that ever happened to him, and expressed gratitude for my being there with him during his final illness.
My current husband tells me that had he not married me, he’d most likely be sitting at home alone, rather than singing in a chorus, and having a much more active social life with our friends.
So, at the risk of sounding immodest, the best favor I’ve done for someone was committing to sharing a life with them.
So you love your husband/married him as a favor…?
