Have we really become so unempathetic as a society that the act of putting yourself in others’ shoes is unbelievable to the point that people assume you must be part of the group you’re defending? So I often see people being unfairly discriminatory and mean to certain types, attributes or qualities of people, which I know some would be offended and hurt by. But whenever I stick up for them, I get comments like this: “Tell me you’re x without telling me you’re x”. “F*** off, x”. A good example is gay people or trans people. I get heavily criticised for defending them and people immediately assume that I’m gay or trans just because I’m expressing that I empathise with how they’re treated in society and think people should be kinder toward them. There are lots of other examples but I’m worried I’ll be antagonised here just by saying them, so I picked some slightly more socially acceptable ones (yes there are some far less socially acceptable things than LGBT these days, in my experience, despite the rampant LGBTphobia).
Polarization and an us-vs-them attitude has permeated the culture of the United States. IMO it’s one way the ruling elites keep us working class people too busy fighting each other to do anything about the corrupt corporations that run everything.
One good way to lower the temperature is to do what you’re doing: practice empathy. Folks should always try to empathize with others, especially people they don’t agree with. Nobody thinks of themselves as the villain of their own story.
It’s helpful if we make a good faith effort to try to understand where other folks are coming from, and try to meet them where they are. Easier said than done in this “Twitter wars” environment, but a necessary tool in digging us out.
What sometimes helps is to use more words to explain what you mean, and keep calm and respectful even if they go off anyways
Shorter soundbites are fun, but they don’t capture the nuance. Saying “I agree with X, but also think Y” makes it clear what you think.
If someone still tries to pick a fight, it’ll be clear to everyone else reading the comment chain. Can’t win over everyone, but this might win over some while avoiding another pointless argument
You know the ruling class is not behind every policy. Polarization is certainly not a policy they try and encourage in governments. Sometimes the working class has to take blame for their behaviour.
Oh so you’re part of that group that defends people?
Such a pussy
1: It’s extremely common for people to be biased in favour of a group they’re part of, since they benefit from that support.
2: It’s also extremely common for group members to pretend to be outsiders when supporting their group, precisely because of (1). “Oh well, if this person is supporting the group despite being an outsider, they must be super-altruistic, and therefore their cause must be super-righteous.”
3: If a group meets with widespread disapproval, then one way to silence external support for it is accusing the supporter of (2) - suggesting that not only are they one of the hated group, and also showing how dishonest the group members truly are.
4: Dunking on out-group members - especially via (3) - strengthens the bond of the in-group.
And 5), calling shitty people out on their shit… really pisses them off, so they get nasty in response.
I wonder if part of it is a lack of patience. So many people, especially online, want to jump to a conclusion as quickly as possible, like what they see in twitter or sms, or similar social media.
While I admit I can be wordy, I’ve been interrupted in conversations after the first few words, where someone has already concluded the opposite what I was trying to say
While I admit I can be wordy, I’ve been interrupted in conversations after the first few words, where someone has already concluded the opposite what I was trying to say
This habit really grinds my gears sometimes. Especially yesterday. I’m going to rant about this because I didn’t get the chance to actually converse about it yesterday. It will be excessively wordy and petty.
So yesterday I was conversing with a co-worker about having encountered an animal in my backyard. I say conversing but what I really mean is being disappointed.
Anyway I’d seen an animal and didn’t know what it was so I asked their opinion. Was in the back yard and I heard loud noises like a horse breathing hard from it’s nose.
When I finally caught a glimpse it was only briefly and just saw it from behind *Small, pig like tail *Short orange and black fur *Pig like body structure, short legs, round behind *Extremely slow, it “ran” from me at walking pace.
Along with some other things. Began to tell him about it and the first thing I mentioned was the orange and black fur. Was mid sentence trying to elaborate on the rest of the details when he asserted:
“It was a fox!”
It was anything but a fox. I know what foxes look like and explained that to them, along with attempting to explain other observations that would rule out the possibility of it being a fox.
But nah. Fox fox fox fox fox. Nothing I said mattered. What do I know? I was only there, know what a fox looks like which I thought would be the end of story but nope.
Just kept interrupting me with “it’s a fox” and focusing on the orange fur. Ignored completely when I pointed out that it was pig shaped, short tailed, emitted horse/dog noises when breathing etc.
I gave up, it was just an attempt at lighthearted conversation anyway.
Funny part is, when we were leaving work together this same coworker has me stop on the way out. They walk me over and point to a dog with Auburn fur.
Why did they do this? To tell me that it was a fox. The dog was a fox. Not only do they tell me this but they go on to say “this is what you saw!”
I said it wasn’t and that was the end of it. They had said their piece and corrected me, explaining to me how I had erroneously misidentified the mystery animal that I’d seen with my own eyes with a fox.
That was a dog. Beagle to be exact.
What you do is up to you. For me : I run like hell from people like that. If I have to talk to them during work it’s ONLY about work related material.
Yeah that’s good advice kind internet stranger and how I operate with many people. I give this person a little more tolerance because I genuinely believe he’s just never developed the skill of listening. It’s actually surprisingly common in my experience with guys from his generation.
I’ll admit I stopped reading around halfway. Maybe earlier.
Ain’t mad at ya pardner’, As pointed out in the beginning it was lengthy and petty, just wanted to vent about it to cool these 'ole boots
You did good! Keep it up!
Empathy for other groups isn’t universal. For some, they are approaching an opinion from a tribal point of view, and therefore disagreement with the policy is disagreeing with the tribe.
But it can go further than that. I’ve had cases where I’ve tried explaining how things work, and people take that as agreeing with it and therefore I’m part of the other tribe. The idea that people are calm and logical is played out many times as being false.
I get that when I try to explain to people what is meant by “Black people can’t be racist”; the difference between overt and systemic racism etc. It’s frustrating that they refuse to even acknowledge the meaning even if they disagree with it. They will continue to argue against the wrong point.
Allies are important; haters know that; and so, haters will hate on allies too.
Just consider the history of the term “n—r-lover”.
Assholes are very often people who don’t understand empathy because they have none.
Because people lack both critical thinking skills and an imagination.
I think it stands to reason that on particular levels you’re aligning yourself with “them”. But… that’s the whole point of empathy…its only when you see pieces of yourself in others that you can empathize with their existence or experience.
I guess its the human tragedy…we’re all so much alike in our struggles, it’s just the theatres that are different. But for some, that difference is enough to obscure the mirror and people see a monster where its just a reflection.
I think it’s because no one has the time to actually explain themselves which leads to reactionary events. I dealt with this a lot during 2020. Eventually getting hate from everyone. Also these days social media and news etc has everyone drugged up basically.
There’s too much preemptive conversation and not enough reality?
Anyone who does that is immature and doesn’t deserve your consideration.
People make countless baseless assumptions all the time. Educated people do so less, but no one is immune.
because it’s easier to make assumptions than to use critical thinking
pack mentality + ego
especially here
Because identity politics has taken over peoples ability for abstract thinking: aka if you are A you can’t support arguments of B. Bc id you support B you ARE B.
Fuck these post marxist id politics.
