‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is the gist of college student qualms with dating apps. Hook-up culture declines while young people search for genuine connection.
‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is the gist of college student qualms with dating apps. Hook-up culture declines while young people search for genuine connection.
So, how should people find mates? Obviously these stupid apps don’t work and the chance encounter system we use in western societies don’t, and neither do the marriage-as-transaction systems societies used centuries ago, or the subjugation of any one gender. So how should we ensure most people who want a mate get one?
First thing to do is to not use neckbeardy scientific language like ‘find a mate’. It makes me think of the way ferengi say ‘Female’. It comes off as very creepy and lecherous.
Go do things you enjoy doing. Find local groups or hobby/card/game shops with events. Get to know people. Become a known person. And be yourself. Pretending to be anything or anyone you aren’t will always backfire in a real relationship.
The big thing is to never go out with the goal of hooking up or finding someone. It adds an extra layer of weirdness if you do meet someone, and a massive extra disappointment every time you don’t. Just be friendly and casual. Things will fall into place.
I assumed they were Australian.
Different kind of mate.
Pirate? Arrrrrrr
I’ve only ever met people online.
And it’s allowed me to be the depraved slut I am today.
Let the squares go do square things.
I found things worked out best when I stopped trying to specifically meet someone for the purpose of dating and just started going out and doing stuff I enjoyed with the potential of meeting someone (i.e. not sitting at home playing video games). There was a neighborhood pub I went to when I just wanted to get out of the apt, I was a member of a hiking club that had a cabin, I did stuff solo, etc. Once I stopped trying so hard I actually met more people.
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I just wanted to comment that this advice will likely minimize your chances of finding someone.
“Go out and do things you enjoy and develop actual connections” is bad advice?
pursuing your goal while acting like you are not pursuing it is counterproductive.
Jesus fuck that’s completely misinterpeting what I said. I said DON’T go trying to hook up. Forget that goal entirely. If all you want is to fuck go to the bunny ranch in Reno.
If you actually want a relationship, a genuine connection, Go to meet FRIENDS. If you’re an actually likeable person people will want to be around you and be with you. But this neckbeard incel attitude is incredibly off-putting, and it makes nobody want to be around you. It’s all self-fulfilling prophecy.
I say that unless you never go out and have no friends friends and no hobbies that’s going to be a massive waste of time. You should let the other person know about your interest in some way and see if they are interested as well. if the best way to find someone is to do what you’re saying there wouldn’t be a reason for dating apps in the first place.
EDIT: I’m not even sure why you are calling me names when you could not even understand what I said. you used the same derogatory terms against someone else that disagreed with you. You come off as very insecure.
You are still misinterpreting me. And claiming I’m misinterpreting you as well lol. Of course you still have to shoot your shot lol. Maybe I’d just assumed that was obvious.
I use names because it’s exasperating and frustrating to have a conversation with pessimists that always have an excuse. I get frustrated when people act like shit is supposed to fall in their laps and complain when it doesn’t.
Relationships take work. Finding a relationship does, too. It takes subtelty and nuance.
I never said it’s easy or that because your advic is bad there is no better way. I am just trying to save them from your bad advice. I wouldn’t want them to become pathetic incels.
I’m not the one who needs help finding a partner. Everyone else does, and despite your emotional language you all have failed so hard at it it has harmed you as a people, so who is the one who needs to re-examine their language use exactly? Not me. I see animals cry and want to help them, and when I speak of animals, I use technical terms. And you all very much are animals.
Your society as a whole needs to have this talk with itself and that’s why I ask. Would a matchmaker program help you? Or will you get offended at being called an animal as if I am not one too and openly say as much, a lot?
I am not asking to be a dick. I am an aromantic asexual and I see the lot of you that are not as hurting because you all can’t find partners, so stop getting offended at me and let me help you.
People tend to accept help quicker when it’s offered in a way that isn’t so cold and calculating. Going into a Mengele-esq diatribe about “animals” isn’t doing you any favors.
Well then, let me tell you what people like you told me when I voiced similar complaints as a young’un: not everyone in this world is going to be nice to you.
You’re the ones who are gonna suffer for not listening, not me. 🤷
It’s not “your society” it’s “our society” mate.
Okay. Let’s pretend for a second here that there is a misunderstanding (which I don’t believe it is. But let’s humour this anyways for anyone who might be actually believing your bullshit cuz I want to unpack a few things out of this little illusion you’re trying to spin here)
Even as an explanation this is not a valid excuse after you went all this distance to invite yourself into a romantic spectrum discussion and act like a pretentious and victimized asshole suddenly making it all about you.
This discussion was never about whether or not you were ever asexual nor aromantic yet HERE YOU ARE injecting it right there!
It has nothing to do with sexuality. It’s basic manners. sexuality shouldn’t affect your social ability to even show an ounce of respect to the people you’re trying to connect with.
Speaking of checking language: You referred to as ‘we’ in your OP of ‘finding a mate’ and the failure of apps. That’s misleading. And then refer to people as animals: you’re just purposely creating disconnection with this kind of language. Especially if you think that can be skirted under aromatic asexual. This isnt sexuality. This is anti socialistic symptoms.
But that’s if I actually believed you were genuinely confused. I don’t believe you are. Heck I don’t even think you are what you say you are because that’s not how it should be brought up.
Ever.
You don’t actually give a shit about sexuality here if this is how you represent yours.
You walked into this one with bad actor energy intent to troll. And then you get all ‘I’m a victim of your oppressed society’ Because someone did take you at a your word. You’re poorly combined words. You are not the victim in this scenario.
There are times where society does stomp on the asexuals but inviting yourself into a topic to speak as if you’re romantic on a romantic discussion just to unmask yourself as victimized : this isn’t one of those times.
You’re either a troll or you’ve got crippling antisocial personality issues(cuz this is some straight up dsmv bullshit but not to be unpacked here so don’t even get all ‘but I also got this too’ cuz too late! You already derailed this enough to be about you. Go somewhere else cuz I do NOT BUY FOR A SECOND this is a mere misunderstanding. This escalated way too far for that.
Holy fuck, your first response to seeing an outsider tell you the truth about your situation is to clap back with a wall of text to assuage your hurt feelings?
Why not listen to my criticisms, improve, and better your situation instead of immediately resorting to ego defense like some dipshit Karen who thinks he knows something when he really doesn’t?
“People are animals”, “people are suffering without FeMalEs”.
This is about the shittiest incel take I’ve ever seen from an ace. Shame on you.
People literally are animals, and they never called women females.
We ARE animals, and you ARE suffering without mates. It’s the truth whether you want to hear it or not.
Being offended doesn’t make facts go away.
And dating people at work is practically forbidden now
That’s probably a good thing.
You know you don’t have to tell your boss you’re dating a coworker right? It’s not their business what you do in your off-time. Dating people is legal. Do you tell your parents every time you take a shit?
Dating someone is not a protected class, and unless there is a demand for illegal action or potential whistleblowering, then you can get fired for it without consequences. Helll you can be fired for ANY reason as long as it’s not retaliatory or in violation of protected class
Dating people is legal, which is why you don’t get arrested for it. But that ain’t got any overlap with business policy.
*In the US. In countries with decent labor laws this doesn’t fly.
I just can’t fathom doing that even if it was perfectly acceptable. I hope these are jobs people don’t give a shit about or they have opportunities for something better. I don’t (currently), so if things went south, which for me they tend to, I would be sitting here in a very bad state.
Eh it depends on the workplace. My wife and I met at work through friends, we’ve been married 13 years, and I think we’ve only ever been in 2 or 3 meetings together (and those were unusual situations, not regular projects), and we practically never have contact “professionally”. It’s a large workplace, and there are quite a few couples floating around.
here’s your answer.
I never had a problem getting women back when I actually left the house. Sophomore year of high school until I got a job at the airport, I practically always had a girlfriend. This included going to ERAU, a campus with 1 female for every 8 males. I had a girlfriend within weeks of arriving on campus.
I disappeared into that work-home to sleep-work thing for a couple years, ended up going back to school at yet another very male dominated aviation school, and I wound up with the only chick in our class.
All the while I have never once gotten a date through a personals site or app; I have a feeling there’s a question or two on the profile that they shadowban you for the wrong answer, such as being 5’7", or I suspect being non-christian. To put this into a time scale for you, it feels weird to call them “dating apps” and not “dating sites” because I gave up on the whole idea before “Mobile First.”
I’m single right now for one very simple reason: I don’t leave the house much.
Edit: to those who have downvoted this comment, could you explain to me why. Let’s have this conversation.
Same here, I have succeeded in wooing partners even on social media, but getting matches on dating apps has been nigh impossible for some reason.
I’ve legitimately had better luck at my therapist’s office than online dating.
You should just leave your height and religion out of your tinder profile man
I gave up on online dating before Tinder was a thing. The dating sites I did try had those as fields.
Also…I hate religion, and that is very important to who I am as a person, and hatred of religion is an important trait I look for in a mate, so.
So you gave up online dating a decade ago? The Internet has come a long way since then.
I don’t know what you’re looking for, but I would urge you to give it another try if you’re not finding what you want. It’s not magic, but it will simply put you in front of a lot more people than you would otherwise see. If your perfect match is a 1 in 1000 you’ve got way better odds running into them online than via random chance IRL.
Cool man. Enjoy your lonely, bitter life I guess. I will continue enjoying mine with the partner I found online.
We should have a state-run matchmaking system in society.